How Not to Rescue Your Uncle from Accidental Drowning

It’s important to remember that a person jumping into water from a height will submerge immediately. Even if water doesn’t enter his lungs at first, it could trigger a reflex closing of his vocal chords blocking his airway and, well, you know the rest, don’t you?
Remember. We’re talking about your uncle. Memorial Day weekend. Two a.m. and they’re taking you to their condo because your parents want a night alone at The Ambassador. Uncle Larry is trashed after his only daughter’s wedding reception, and he thinks it’d be hilarious to ask Aunt Kirstin to stop the car so he can pee. But he doesn’t pee. He climbs to the edge of the bridge and jumps off. Remember. The dark suit. Aunt Kirstin screaming. Remember the sound of the screams and the water lapping, the feel of your green silk dress as you lift it above you, having slipped out of your heels, half-thinking you are going to jump in after him, before you remember the borrowed, diamond-encrusted watch ticking away on your pale, fourteen-year-old wrist that you weren’t supposed to lose or else. Remember the movement of water around the bridge producing eddies that pin your uncle and hold him fast. Remember after the funeral, when you cross back into Wisconsin and your neighbor Sully brings over a sailor’s bracelet that you wear all of June and all of July and all of August before it has to be cut off your freckled arm. Remember you cannot always and you cannot ever and you cannot sometimes rescue your uncle from drowning, even if his wife is screaming and you have taken off your first pair of high-heeled shoes and the silk of your dress is raw and new.