Dream Lover

For seven straight nights, Annette dreams she has a sexual relationship with a centaur named Harold. Despite his hooves, his great unknowability, the fact that he openly poops in her backyard, Harold is by far the best lover—awake or dreaming—she has ever had.
She wakes up every morning surprised by her dream self’s inventiveness and prowess. Dream Annette discovers and names seventy-two different ways of making love to a centaur. Her favorites are Pin Drop, Sugar Cube, and Tulip. She draws diagrams in the margins, demonstrating the complexity of movement and synchronicity each maneuver demands. She wonders how she will make Short Grass Thrust happen with a two-legged lover. Everything seems erotic and full in the afterglow of Harold.
On the eighth day, she allows Dwayne, the human man she’s been trying to sleep with for months, to read her dream journal. She thinks he will find her irresistible with each turn of the page. Dwayne laughs as he reads. He laughs so hard, he has to wipe tears from his eyes.
My centaur, Annette thinks, as she looks out the window trying to ignore Dwayne, would find my journal interesting and moving. He would take me in his incredible arms and say I am wonderful and make love to me in the Smooth Trot position.
“You’re so weird,” Dwayne says as he leaves. He tries to kiss Annette, but she turns her head and makes her mouth small and unlovable.