I Would Prefer You Not Contact My Previous Employer

Costco policy says bakery personnel have to put on gloves before using a serrated knife. It’s a safety issue, and Costco supposedly places top priority on the safety of its employees. A serrated knife, just to be clear, can take off a pinkie like it’s nothing. I’ve seen it happen, so I am absolutely in favor of hand protection with serrated blades. Sometimes, however, the gloves aren’t as available as they should be. The day I was terminated is a good example. What happened was, LaTara—assistant bakery manager—had shouted for me to get my ass in gear with the Italian Feast Loaf, which I had not yet sliced. Calmly and professionally, I told LaTara I would be happy to prep her Feast Loaf once I recovered the safety gloves, so as to be in compliance with our policy. At this point, LaTara stated that I worked in her motherfucking bakery and if I didn’t get to cutting the Feast Loaf then I should go find myself another bakery in which to work. I asked if she understood that the blade used to cut the Feast Loaf was serrated. I regret that I raised my voice. I told her I needed the gloves. I only picked up the knife to show her. I thought maybe she wasn’t seeing the teeth on the blade. They’re small. I stepped closer. I asked her to take a good look so we could be on the same page. I warned her that a knife such as the one I held would cut through pinkie meat like room temp cheddar. Had she ever seen a severed pinkie? I had. I had seen a severed pinkie or two in my day.

Dan Townsend's fiction has appeared in Barrelhouse, SmokeLong Quarterly, Drunken Boat, and other publications. In recent years he has been a summer camp director, a college English instructor, a UPS delivery helper, and a debt collector. He lives in Birmingham, AL.