Jesus

While previously believed to have been sent from the heavens and birthed by the Virgin Mary, we now know Jesus was created through spontaneous combustion. Approximately two thousand years ago, the largest maple tree in what is now Vancouver, Canada burst into flames. When the last red leaf on the highest branch caught fire, the ashes fell to the ground in a four by eight inch rectangle. Jesus stepped up from the rectangle, robed and bearded, and those who witnessed this miracle started throwing money into the hat that had appeared at his feet. When Jesus gripped the money between his fingers it became a tangle of impossibly long earthworms.

This is also when the first earthworms were created.