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You’ve found someone else, haven’t you? So is she running Media Center or something? OS X? You’re leaving me for a MAC? How long have you been seeing her? Two months? Have I been off that long?

Have you upgraded her yet? Twice last night? Right next to me?!

How did you two get together? Was this the iPod’s idea? Well, that makes sense. You’ve had a Mac/PC fantasy ever since you got him. I’m sorry that I don’t have the flawless animation of your two-month old Mac-bitch.

Is there no hope for us? Do you want me to change myself? I’ll get memory augmentation. I’ll become a Linux box. I’ll get a Vista makeover. Whatever you want. Just don’t leave me off.

I know I’ve had a few virus outbreaks and gotten some blue screens here and there lately, but who doesn’t? I know your damn Mac doesn’t get viruses! You know, most of us have to work really hard to stay clean. Listen, you can fix me. Just let me get a few updates and I’ll be fine. We can go back to the way we were before.

Can I at least see our external hard drive on the weekends? I haven’t seen him since he got his 750 GB upgrade. How do you think that makes me feel? I raised him since he was only 20GB. Who uploaded all those binary bits of wisdom to him for a year and a half? I did. So don’t you dare think that you can just shut me down and it won’t make a diff-

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